Hey Buddy

Need a lock; a can't miss game of the year? Well, if so I can promise you that all you have to do is look in your favorite gambling publication and you will find just the number to call. As a matter of fact, you'll get it "Absolutely Free!" If you call the number (probably one of those expenseiv "900" numbers) you might get lucky enough to get a "free" pick. Whether or not that free pick is correct is a whole other ball game. It depends on who's throwing the darts on that particular day at the sports service office.

Finding a good service doesn't seem like a difficult task, but after trying, you will soon discover that a reliable sports handicapping service is a contradiction in terms. Services are popping up everywhere every day making your selection process a much more difficult task than ever. In this country, if you can't do it or you don't want to do it, you simply pay someone to do it for you. And, regardless of the problem, nine times out of ten you will have your problem taken care of to your satisfaction. So, why doesn't this apply to sports handicapping services? What did you do the last time a service didn't fulfill its promise to you? What can you do? I think the last two questions sufficiently answer the original one.

Monitoring

Don't be misled by a service claiming to be monitored. Monitoring services are middle-men in between the middle-man. The so-called monitors are supposed to have real records and, therefore, know which services are ac tually the best. But, are service mitors really any different than the sports handicapping services themselves? If a service wanted to be 35-5 over their last forty selections, don't you think they could find a monitor that would agree? Let's assume that all monitors are legitimate, the sports handicapping service could then decide to report different selections to different monitors using several names. They would also give two sides on the same game, so they can come up a winner either way the game goes-of course, the monitor which shows them to be a winning service is the one you will read about.

Not all sports handicapping service monitors are crooked, but just keep this article in mind the next time you see "Monitored by É" Sports service monitors make about as much sense to me as the phrase Senate Ethics Committee.

Come-Ons/Hooks

Now, back to that free pick. You are looking through your official schedule, and there it is! THis service is for you; they've hit their last 25 locks and they've got one waiting for you right now, and it's ABSOLUTELY FREE!

So, you decide to call; you dial 1-800-IMA-FOOL.

The first thing out of the guy's mouth is, "Hi, what's your name? and you answer and then the guy will want your phone number. You wonder immediately: Why does he need my phone number to give me a free pick? Once you give your phone number to a service you can bank on persistent calls for weeks and maybe even months from this particular service and even others, who buy your phone number from a list this guy sells them. They will try to pressure you into buying their service by promising you that if you are not happy you will get your money back, sometimes double your money back. Most of the time you will hear, "If we don't win, you get the next season free!"

No! Not true. You will not get your money back. You will not get double your money back, either. And, if they do not win, would you even want their service for the next season? You would? Well, I doubt that you will actually get a free season either. You know that nothing is free in this world. If they gave away their picks, how would they pay their bills. Well, then again, maybe they don't pay their billsÉ

Boasts, Promises

Do any of these claims sound familiar? Over 75% Winning Percentage Over the Last Five Years! Game of the Month! Game of the Year! Game of the Decade! Monday Night Bail-Out Plays! Handicapper of the Year! A Hundred-Dollar Player Would Have Made Over $75,000 Last Weekend! These seem to be the more popular come-ons over the last year or so.

First of all, no sports service has picked over 75% covering even a one-year period unless their record was 3-1. So forget about five-year claims altogether. As far as the Game of the Whatever, the best handicappers have a difficult time finding one big game and guaranteeing it will hit, and most sharp-shooters agree that this kind of play is a pure gimmick. You'll often get advertisements as early as July with a play that is more than four months away! This doesn't mean they have some inside source or that they've even analyzed the game in question. This is a marketing ploy that insures they have plenty of time for you to send them your check or money order.

Some of the more popular services are now setting up alternate 800 numbers and indicating a specific time to call-this is all hype. When you try to call these "instant play" numbers, more often than not, you'll get a busy signal. Don't think this is due to the volume of calls.

As for the Handicapper of the Year, I'd sure like to meet the panel that bestows this lofty title. Is there some kind of competition that determines this title? Actually there are in Las Vegas. But I never see the winners of, let's say, the Union Plaza's "King of the Hill" football handicapping competition hyping a pick service. So, who are these guys?

The promise of winning hundreds of units per weekend is ludicrous, and I know most of you reading this wouldn't believe such a claim. But evidently there are plenty of people gullible enough to believe these promises, because the claim surfaces periodically. If a service could actually generate those kind of profits with so little money, maybe we should have them hard at work in Washington helping the government reduce the federal deficit.

"900" Scams

The ads that stand out the most are the ones printed in official rotations or sports schedules. You can flip the pages toward the back of these schedules and see ads that state, "13-3 Last Two Weeks on TV Games!" Considering that the schedule was printed at least a month earlier, we can assume that this particular service is confident of their prognostication skills that they can actually predict what their record will be at any juncture of the se3ason-How did they know they would be 13-3? Hogwash. Have you ever noticed that these services always have their biggest plays on the televised games? Now, isn't that conveeeeeenient?

Over the past few years, the 900 telephone marketing business has boomed. You can call and get your picks for anywhere between $2 and $95 and get the same junk you've received in the past. I guess people calling like these numbers because they are convenient and eliminate the ressure of those annoying sales reps. These 900 services may seem cheap at first glance, but if you figure the actual costs, especially during basketball season, you are paying much more money in the long run. The scary part is that you never know hwo this information is coming from or how it is generated. I was in the office of a guy who runs several of these 900 number scams, and he just put his finger down on the schedule in front of him and, instantaneously, this particular team because his "Game of the Year" on his sport betting 900 line. He told me he knows if he misses the game, the next night he can just offer a makeup pick, and, if he hits that one, everyone will be happy. He still gets his share of calls every day.

Score Phones

You'll often see ads or matchbook cover advertisements for free 800 number "score phones." These lines are operated by the same people who own the 900 pay lines. You get the scores free if you can endure the pitches for various 900 line services throughout the recording on these "free" lines. Most often the person running the score phone also owns all the 900 pay services you hear advertised. There will often be a "consensus" number you can call that has all the information and which promises to tell which services are "hot." They guy who's running the free score phone, 900 pay service and erotic dreams line also owns the monitoring number. In other words, you are getting screwed no matter what direction you turn.

A few things to look for when in search of that rare honest pick service is to beware of promises you know they can't deliver on-70% picks and money-back guarantees are good examples. Also be wary of the service's claim of past successes. I know of one particular service which claimed to have predicted Buster Douglas's 1989 knockout of Mike Tyson in Tokyo in the days following the fight. Sure, sure, sureÉI bet this same service picked Michael Dukakis to beat George Bush-the odds were about the same.

Also watch out for services that offer many different levels such as a millionaire's club, gold club, exewcutive club and so on-the picks don't get any better, you only show the operators of the service how big of a chump you really are.

The bottom line is that finding a good, honest pick service - and they do exist - can be as difficult as trying to find that missing sock after doing the laundry. You know, come to think of it, I bet you can find a service that will tell exactly where to find that sock. Or, better yet, you could do a little work and find it yourself!

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